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Trash TV


Pam Ward

Humor Columnist

  It’s no secret that I love me some reality TV. I have decided though, that calling the shows that I watch “reality” is a stretch. Should be more like “trash TV” if you ask me, which of course, no one has. Yet. Anyway, for the past two weekends, there has been a “Honey Boo Boo” marathon on TLC and I’ve had quite enough of it. I must admit though, I had already seen each and every episode. The truth hurts but since honesty is the best policy there you go. I could blame it on having lost the remote in the couch or something but it wouldn’t be true, I watched them because when “Honey BB” made her world famous TV debut on another high quality show on TLC called “Toddlers and Tiaras” I was quite enthralled. For some reason. But yes. Now, how many of you folks will admit to also watching it? And if so, didn’t you, for at least a second or two consider making Mama June’s “sketti” recipe with ketchup and butter? Wait, not butter, it was “Country Crock.” Probably makes a difference in your finished product. I admit, I thought about it for a second or two but didn’t make it. Yet anyway. That’s a joke, if I made sketti I’d have to add some mustard to the ketchup and butter. Hehe.

  Anyway, they continue to advertise the new episode coming on this week. I think Wednesday. I doubt I’ll be tuning in this time since this episode is being touted as “watch and sniff” with great emphasis on bodily functions and myriad stinky smells, like dead fish and burnt food. No thank you. They even put these “scratch and sniff” cards into the latest issue of People magazine. I had happened to buy that issue of People and as soon as I opened it up, there it was, the dreaded “scratch and sniff” card. I looked at it and wanted badly to just trash it. I wish I could say I did but *sigh* I scratched, then sniffed. Luckily I didn’t gag or anything, in fact all the little spots to scratch/sniff smelled like burnt matches to me. Anyway, after making Anna smell it I tossed it. I have no desire to watch the show and sniff that card when the TV so dictates.

  Remember when TLC was “The Learning Channel”? I remember some years ago they would televise surgical procedures that wouldn’t be as gruesome looking as mama June’s “sketti” looked. And more importantly, what’s happened to me that I can sit hypnotized watching grown women curse each other out at a beauty pageant for children? By the way, if you go to TLC’s website they encourage people who live interesting and maybe trashy lives to contact them. It’s listed under “Casting” and then “ARE YOU THE NEXT TLC STAR?”

  I’m thinking I may email them about my own fascinating life. Who wouldn’t want to watch me running errands and talking to myself in my PJs?  IT COULD HAPPEN.

  Pam’s new reality show on TLC is debuting this weekend. It’s called “Scratch and Sniff Errands with Pam.” She will be rating local stores and restaurants by smell.


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