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My advice for women


L. D. Childers Columnist

  The other day Gert asked me what I was thinking. She said I seemed to have something on my mind, and she wished I would just say it. She said if I would just let it out, I would feel better.  When I assured her there was absolutely nothing on mind, she stormed out of the room.

  Gert does this every once in a while. For some reason she has developed this misconception that there is something in my head. To make matters worse, she assumes this imaginary thing in my head is something bad.

  Now Gert has some fine qualities ó Iíll be the first one to say that. For example, Gert is a very frank person. Sheís always willing to share her thoughts, especially thoughts about various ways I might improve myself.  Many of her suggestions are remarkably creative. Frankness and creativity are qualities some men donít fully appreciate in a woman. But I do.

  Anyway, Gert has other great qualities, too, but I donít spend a lot of time thinking about those qualities, or thinking about anything else. Iím as bright as the next person, mind you. Iím quite smart, in fact. Donít worry about thatóIím smart as a firecracker.  I just donít see any need in overdoing itóthe deep thinking, I mean.

  Sometimes Gert tells me to be sure and remember something or other.  Sheís actually serious.

  ďDonít forget my grandmotherís birthday is Friday. Would you pick up some flowers?

  ďUh huh.Ē

  ďAnd remember to mail the electric bill. You keep forgetting.Ē

  ďUh huh.Ē     

  And so, when Gert and I are standing empty-handed with her grandma in the dark, somehow itís my fault.

  This misguided thinking Gert has about men seems to be a common problem women have.  Women are great, of course. I respect women. They have a tough row to hoe in the world, and we men generally donít make it any easier for them. Women tend to be smart and perceptive, but many women, like Gert, suffer from a fundamental misunderstanding about men. They believe we have something on our minds.

  Itís a fact that at any given second a man may have impure thoughts. There have been scientific studies about it. We really canít deny it any more. So we men have to guard against having those impure thoughts, and we especially have to guard against telling women about them.

  While I cannot speak for all men, by and large my thoughts are not complicated. If Gert notices my brow is furrowed, itís quite possible Iím trying to remember the name of a specific left-handed Braves outfielder from the early 1980ís. Perhaps Iím trying to recall the name of a particular lady from Baywatch.  Whatever it is that may be occupying my manly mind at any given moment Gert asks me, the odds are if I were to tell her the truth, sheíd be greatly disappointed and maybe shocked at the utter lack of importance of whatís in there. 

  Sometimes it might be better for our relationship if, when Gert asks me what Iím thinking, I lie just a little and say, ďNothing, my curious, enchanting darling.  Nothing at all.Ē Of course there are going to be occasions when men actually should tell women stuff, but we have to be very careful about it.

  And so, my advice for you ladies out there is this. Perhaps you could lower your expectations.  Expect us to work, and expect us to treat you well. Expect us to take showers and put on a clean shirt once in a while. But donít expect us to keep anything important in our heads. Be reasonable.


  L. D. Childers thinks, therefore he is.  But only up to a point.




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