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Of Beauty, birth and some other stuff


Pam Ward

Humor Columnist

  I gave birth to a couple of right lovely daughters some years ago. No kidding. Have you seen them? Beauty queen material, both. Brandie, who is now 30 some-odd, (I’m not sure if she’s up for the whole world knowing her actual age since she’s now soooooo old to which I say, just wait Bran, there will come the day when you will wish, hope and pray that you were once again 34. OOPS, did I say 34? Sorry bout that. Hehe.) And my baby girl, Anna who is 27. I was telling people she was 28 for at least eight months until she recently corrected me. I could swear she’s 28. I’m still not sure she’s only 27 but since mathematics makes my brain tired and it makes her feel better, then 27 it is. Both girls are beautiful and look absolutely nothing like me.  

  *SIGH*. It’s true. Lucky for us their father was quite the looker in his day. Since we have been divorced for many, many, MANY moons now I can’t really say much about his looker status as of NOW. If you know what I mean. (And I feel sure that you who have ex’s do.) Actually that could be taken a couple of different ways, none of which is very complimentary I‘m afraid. Since I haven’t seen him in quite some time lets just leave it at that. I seem to be digging myself into quite a deep hole here.

  Anyhoo, back to the story at hand… Anna, the youngest of said daughters, is in the process of “GESTATING”! (Sorry daddy) That’s right! I am excited to announce the rapidly appro-aching, any day now, birth of “Charlie-Rae ______ Brooks”. Still working on that second middle name. The latest is “Scarlett” which I quite like. Charlie-Rae is one name, but it just didn’t look right to do it like “CharlieRae”, am I right or am I right? Of course I am, since I’m always right. Well mostly anyway. Or occasionally. Or I’m pretty sure I have been right at least once. I used to always be right until Brandie came along and became right much more often than me which makes her the rightest of the right. (so she thinks).

  But back to Charlie-Rae… She is named after my daddy, Charles Raymond Ward, and also me, Pamela Rae Ward. So there will be, in our family, three generations of “Rays”/“Raes”. Rae is the feminine version of Ray in case anyone is wondering. Anyhoo, Charlie Rae is due to be here in a mere 7 days now, which is pretty awesome since in 6 days we will be having the yearly Celebration of The Birth of Pammy. So maybe she’ll be one day early. I always heard if you jump off the porch that would put you in labor so I’m considering luring Anna out to the porch and giving her a good shove. Hehe. JUST KIDDING! I would never do that of course. The third step maybe. Ha. Not really. But I am considering slipping a little castor oil in her tea. It could happen.

  To be continued!


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