I am not qualified to give advice, but should you take it, you do so at your own risk.

Q. We keep chickens on our small farm. I took my basket out this morning and collected 21 eggs. However, on my way back to the kitchen I tripped and all the eggs fell out of my basket and broke. Any advice?
A. Well other than making a very large omelette I would suggest in the future you collect one egg at a time.

Q. My husband wants to be buried in a refrigerator rather than a coffin. He won’t explain why. Can you think of a reason
he would want to do this?
A. I can only presume he expects to be going somewhere hot.

Q. I’m a high school student. Why do I have to take all sorts of courses I’ll never use in my life? I plan on just living with my parents and playing video games.
A. Why are you a high school student?

Q. We ordered a Chinese bulldog from China. He only understands Chinese, which we now have to learn to speak. But how do we know which dialect to study?
A. He will let you know when he wants to eat and when he wants to go for a walk. What on earth do you need to talk to him about?

Q. My husband NEVER listens to me. I talk to him about the weather, my knitting projects, gossip from the Women’s Club, improvements we need done to the house, buying life insurance,
daytime talk show topics, doctors appointments, the dripping in the kitchen sink, conversations I have with my mother, the PTA meeting, cleaning the dryer vent and other such stuff and he
just ignores me. How do I get him to pay attention to what I’m talking about?
A. I’m sorry, can you repeat the question?

Q. I’ve been wearing a mask constantly since the pandemic was announced. I’ve had both of
my shots and now when I’m outdoors and properly spaced from people I finally take my mask off. The problem is that my ears are now bent forward from the mask. I look like Dumbo. Will they ever go back to normal.
A. I will put a call in to Dr. Fauci and get back to you.

Q. I never cut my toenails. The problem is I have to keep buying larger shoes as my toenails increase in length. I am up to a size 14 and I’m having trouble finding larger shoes. I’m running out of time. Please help.
A. You didn’t mention your poor socks. You must be tearing them to shreds.

Q. Invisible people have to walk around naked right? If they wore clothes then you would be able to see them, right?
A. Right. Everybody already knows that.

Q. I painted the outside of our house brown and the inside a nice reddish pink. I call it the “Filet Mignon House.” My wife can’t decide if she likes the colors or the name. Can you help us decide?
A. Do you plan on living in it or eating it?